the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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