And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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