His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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