Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
