Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
