so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks