I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize