remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.