My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face