And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't make out with my wife yet
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.