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What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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