Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.