explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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