we're blogging at a bar
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
