You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
