I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
