so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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