What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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