I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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