Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

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(208): View more from Idaho

the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise

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(630): View more from Illinois

It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table

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(815): View more from Illinois

No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.

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(816): View more from Missouri

He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl

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(218): View more from Minnesota

So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.

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(646): View more from New York

I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.

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