dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
