Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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