I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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