Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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