you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Fuck appropriateness.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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