Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i love accidental penises.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
