Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
