I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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