I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
