her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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