she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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