you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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