I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
