Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
