You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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