the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
