As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
