u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
