Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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