I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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