Umm I'm too high to move.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
