i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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