what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
