dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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