Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
