I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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