The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
