I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
