I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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