I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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