i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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