I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
