Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
