I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
