So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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