Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
