pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
