i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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