I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
