Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
