last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am one with the molecules
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
