I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
