Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
