The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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