Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
