As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dick very happy bro
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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