Me. At least after what I've been through.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
