plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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