guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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