just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
