I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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